i feel like today is the beginning of the end.

i read my friend's entries and they tell how they are upset with boys and parents and life.
i feel so bad for them, i want them to be happy.
these are my friends.
i want to put a smile on their face.
i want them to see the bright side.
i want them to know they aren't alone.
and that a lot of this school drama is all in their heads.
because it's in mine.

i feel like people are constantly talking about me.
but i'm so sick of putting on a facade, i just want to be me.
i want to say what i want, look how i want to, and do what i please.

i think i am gorgeous.
i think flutes are the most important instrument on the planet.
i think my boyfriend is the best ever.
i think i am an amazing actor, dancer, twirler, and coach.
i don't think you have to be tan to be pretty.
nor do you have to have 3% body fat and weigh 85 pounds.
i think every girl has the right to be bitchy at least once a month. =)
i think every girl should be told they are beautiful, gorgeous, or pretty, not hott or sexy.
i like having my own style, don't copy me.
i am graduating and i can't wait to leave this shitty town.
i am Courtney Ann Silver and i am not who you want me to be or what you expect.

love and hate.

i love...
john lazaro gonzalez.
oh, and enrique.
my other amazing friends.
how i'm older, but they all treat me like the baby.
my kittens.
big sunglasses.
getting caught in the rain.
adventure island.
busch gardens.
disney world.
my car.
playing my piccolo.
marching band.
drum major.
bus rides.
trying to be gangster.
taking pictures.
being me.

i hate...
p30pL3 wHo TyP3 lYk3 dIs.
weird tan lines.
driving 30 minutes to see my boyfriend.
having my picture taken.
getting lost.
watching friends graduate.
not having enough money.
weird text messages.
bug bites.
crappy digital cameras.
when myspace doesn't work.
doing chores.
saying goodbye.

i hate

how people who claim to be my good friends completely diss me.
i'm so over trying to be everyone's friend.
it's a two way effort people.

so...lots of stuff.

i've been gone for a while.

a bunch of stupid stuff going on with allen.
but i'm not going to let it bother me.
because no matter what he does, i'm to blame.
therefore, i give up.

i went to south carolina.
i got a semi-tan.
it's pretty exciting.
i must say.

Hi, my name is Courtney. I'm a nervous wreck.

my life is too hectic.
i wish there were more hours in a day.
i'm so angry there aren't.

i have to go to work.
i like it there.
it's fun.
but if i don't go to rehearsal, i can't play flute for Cinderella.
i love playing flute.
i love Cinderella.
asking my boss for time off when two coaches are gone is ludicrous.
but i must do it.
i love flute.

oh, and don't even get me started on my virtual class...

i am at a loss for words.

so, apparently i got accepted into the virtual school to take english.
but i didn't get accepted til the 20th.
[which by the way is two weeks after everyone else.]
and i didn't see the email until today.
so now i have two weeks of catching up to do.
in about a week.
i need help.
i probably won't be around for a while guys...

and anyone who wants to help who has taken/is taking any online class please call me!

i have decided...

that at this time next year i will be in europe.
with a friend or two.
and we will stay in a luxurious hotel in each country we visit.
[italy, greece, france]
and we will spend a week in each country.
and it will be amazing.